This will sound weird, but here goes. Occasionally I visit Chat Roulette. It’s odd, but I do it mostly for its oddity. Being bored, for me, is only one or two notches away from being slightly turned on for some reason. This odd combination has often drawn me towards these slightly off-color, novelty activities like a semi-sexual video chat environment. My thought going in is always, “Could it hurt?” And I almost always find that it does.
The thing about Chat Roulette is that it is mostly men looking for women. Most are relieved to see a woman at all, and yet sometimes, a man will click “Next” before I am tired of him and do it myself. Herein lies the self-esteem crasher of Chat Roulette. This shouldn’t be possible from an economic stand point. Every time it is sad for me, I’ll be honest. I’m too sensitive.
Not being a thin woman, I am not a mainstream archetype of beauty. I realize I’m not the fantasy most men log on for and when one clicks “Next” or logs off, my brain says “Duh, fatty! No one wants to sexy video chat with a chubster.” This is stupid, of course. And I know it because of the best compliment I have ever gotten, the point of this post.
When you click “Next” you are randomly placed with the next random person. Usually he’s a man, and a good lot of the time he’s already naked. On this particular bored, semi-turned on day, I clicked next to find a man my age, looking anxious to meet his next partner. The moment I came onto the screen, self-esteem-battered and feeling chubby, he let out an enamored “Oh, you’re perfect”. The sound of it was so elated, so…taken. And it was so completely not for me. He was just muttering to myself, not even sure if I had sound on.
It turns out, I am exactly what someone craves. I still go back to it on days where I am feeling unpretty. Once, I was exactly what was needed to cure someone’s insatiable something.